Tuesday, October 23, 2007

If you think that Adam danced with dinosaurs....

Via Rook's Rant, the Evil Bible helps you identify whether or not you are a fundamentalist:
Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian

5 comments:

Sorghum Crow said...

I've already signed up for a time-share on the shore of the Lake of Fire....

ellroon said...

Lol! Sounds like a real family vacation spot!

pygalgia said...

Great catch.

Steve Bates said...

#1 is the one I encounter most frequently, and I find it really offensive. Not being a Christian, I haven't devoted any great amount of time to study of the Christian Bible (in all its variants). But I find frequently enough that many fundie Christians haven't a clue how their Book relates to the Books of other Peoples of the Book; they don't even know as much as I do about the subject. And these people presume to teach me. No thanks. If I want instruction by arrogant idiots, I'll join the GOP.

ellroon said...

I grew up in a religious household and finally as an adult grew up. I've been on both sides of the steeple (so to speak). I cannot see God as having anything to do with the wacko fundies who have been let loose by the promises of shared power by this administration.

The fundies are not going to go quietly back into their cages either.