If millions of Christians suddenly disappear from the face of the Earth as the opening act for Armageddon, Threat Level thinks most nonbelievers will be too busy freaking the hell out to check their e-mail. But if they do log in, now they can be treated to some post-Rapture needling from their missing friends and loved ones, courtesy of web startup YouveBeenLeftBehind.com.For just $40 a year, believers can arrange for up to 62 people to get a final message exactly six days after the Rapture, that day when -- according to Christian end times dogma -- Christians will be swept up to heaven, while doubters are left behind to suffer seven years of Tribulation under a global government headed by the Antichrist.
"You've Been Left Behind gives you one last opportunity to reach your lost family and friends for Christ," reads the website, which is purportedly run "by Christians, for Christians."
I thought God was the God of Love and Forgiveness not Schadenfreude...
12 comments:
hahahahahahahahahaha.
$40 bucks a year? Do you get your money back if you're left behind?
Do they have back-up servers if the first server gets swarmed and eaten by locusts?
I thought the raptured got to watch the horrible writhings of the left behinders with front row seats in Heaven anyway. So these emails are just to rub it in? Kinda like 'Nyah nyah, and oh, by the way, God loves you. Now watch out for the seven deadly plagues?'
This is a brilliant method of separating the Rapture crowd from their money. Wish I'd thought of it.
So...computers will still work after the Rapture? Doesn't sound so awful to me. Also, someone needs to point out to these End of Dayers that we already HAVE suffered EIGHT years of Tribulation under a government run by the Antichrist.
TKK, I think the LeftBehinders would be rampaging through the empty houses and looting wildly...
Anon, I thought the Antichrist was supposed to be a gay Jewish man... and weren't there supposed to be totally red cows in place before the Rapture could occur? There was a farmer in the mid-west working on the problem last I heard...
Freaking Brilliant!
Personally, the thought of a Sunday without having to tell some idiot they can't park on my Mother's lawn to attend their church is quite appealing.
Exactly what is supposed to be the punishment in being rid of these idiots?
Hiya, map! Detaching money from an deluded soul is usually embarrassing, but because the reason is so bizarre, it's hilarious.
Bryan, I think the Left Behind series goes into obsessively loving and intimate detail on the agonies the sinners will suffer...
Here:
1 Land = ugly and painful sores broke out on the people who had the mark of the beast and worshiped his image. 16:2
2 Sea = it turned into blood like that of a dead man, and every living thing in the sea died. 16:3
3 Rivers & Springs = they became blood. 16:4
4 Sun = the sun was given power to scorch people with fire. They were seared by the intense heat and they cursed the name of God, who had control over these plagues, but they refused to repent and glorify him. 16:8
5 Throne of the beast = his kingdom was plunged into darkness. Men gnawed their tongues in agony and cursed the God of heaven because of their pains and their sores, but they refused to repent of what they had done. 16:10
6 Great river Euphrates = its water was dried up to prepare the way for the kings from the East. 16:12
7 Air = The great city split into three parts, and the cities of the nations collapsed. God remembered Babylon the Great and gave her the cup filled with the wine of the fury of his wrath. Every island fled away and the mountains could not be found. From the sky huge hailstones of about a hundred pounds each fell upon men. And they cursed God on account of the plague of hail, because the plague was so terrible. 16:17
So, to get rid the boobs parking on your mom's lawn, you will have to get a really bad sunburn. Is that ok?
This is pure genius. Ranks up there with the guy who promised "10 Tips on Losing Weight" for only $2.
He mailed people a list with ten suggestions-
1) Exercise
2) Eat healthier
3) Don't watch so much TV
4) Don't eat before going to bed
etc, etc.
Made a killing.
Ooo... great vistas open up for making money!....
The Rapture Living Trust...
How To Make Sure You Rapture Before Your Neighbors In Ten Easy Steps...
How To Be Sure You Are Completely Saved And Won't Accidentally Leave Parts Of You Behind...
How To Make Sure You Get A Good Seat In Heaven To Watch The Ending Of The World..
How To Tell If Your Favorite Actors Are Going To Hell...
If they want to believe the ravings of a hermit who had too easy access to questionable mushrooms in an afterthought addition to the Canon, they are certainly welcome to. But if they expect to be taken seriously, they are in for a shock.
Personally, I think the Byzantine emperor was looking for a "boffo" ending when that got tacked on.
Lol, Bryan! An entire religion based on someone's 'crashing conclusion'....
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