What's wrong with these stories?

Seattle bank teller chases robber, loses job

US Marshals seize sanitizer for bacteria problems

Obviously what will win the 'war on terror' is bigger bombs.... which is what we've said ever since we dropped the A bomb on Hiroshima:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The Pentagon is seeking to speed deployment of an ultra-large "bunker-buster" bomb on the most advanced U.S. bomber as soon as July 2010, the Air Force said on Sunday, amid concerns over perceived nuclear threats from North Korea and Iran.

The non-nuclear, 30,000-pound Massive Ordnance Penetrator, or MOP, which is still being tested, is designed to destroy deeply buried bunkers beyond the reach of existing bombs.

If Congress agrees to shift enough funds to the program, Northrop Grumman Corp's radar-evading B-2 bomber "would be capable of carrying the bomb by July 2010," said Andy Bourland, an Air Force spokesman.

Crazy Landlord Fights Heat Wave With Air Conditioning Ban

An Oregon landlord refuses to let his tenants install air conditioners because he thinks they "look tacky." Tenants of the Arbor Creek complex in Aloha who choose to sacrifice aesthetics for comfort have ten days to correct their mistake before facing eviction. One tenant's kid already landed in the hospital thanks to heat stroke.

China wants perfect astronauts:

Would-be astronauts competing for China's next space programme must comply with 100 rules - excluding those with bad breath or a runny nose.

The list, intended to recruit "super human beings", also prohibits those with body odours, tooth cavities or scars which may "burst open" in space.

Dammit! Americans have ruined the British class system by making people not buy fish forks!!

Cute: Why one should not draw faces in public.

I guess the question should be: Are people actually still evolving? Or are we now going backwards, sinking into primordial stupidity?

Don't answer that!

If Cats reported the news

Rumors are flying on the street!

Obama was born to an underaged woman married to a Kenyan who dared have her baby in a foreign country and decided to fake his birth certificate so that he could lie his way into the White House!!1!!

What do you think, Whiskers?



You weren't born in the south, were you, Whiskers?

And Obama is the Anti-Christ!!1



Eep! Over to you, Stripes:

Dick Armey says only dirty fucking flower children believe in global warming.



Thank you Stripes. Now to you, Molly Kibblecruncher:

Um... Farmer runs his dairy on poop.



You want a real eww? Astronaut wears underpants for a month.



Breaking news: Suspected foot-fetish attacker sought by authorities

Finally a scientific study on something

Even the Republicans can understand the importance of...

US and Russian astronauts have had sex in space for separate research programmes on how human beings might survive years in orbit, according to a book published yesterday.

Pierre Kohler, a respected French scientific writer, says in The Final Mission: Mir, The Human Adventure that the subject is taboo both at Nasa and at mission control in Moscow, but that cosmic couplings have taken place.

"The issue of sex in space is a serious one," he says. "The experiments carried out so far relate to missions planned for married couples on the future International Space Station, the successor to Mir. Scientists need to know how far sexual relations are possible without gravity."

[snip]

Only four positions were found possible without "mechanical assistance". The other six needed a special elastic belt and inflatable tunnel, like an open-ended sleeping bag.

Mr Kohler says: "One of the principal findings was that the classic so-called missionary position, which is so easy on earth when gravity pushes one downwards, is simply not possible."

Sex in spaaaaaaaaaace

iamcoyote (update: wrong writer, sorry! idiosynchronic wrote the post) exposes the idiocy of the pearl-clutching Puritans. (Do Puritans have pearls?):

...Slate attempted to deal with this in an article from Wednesday, "Do Astronauts Have Sex?" and guess what - it was all about the oh, pearl-grasping naughtiness factor.

And if its not about the titillation factor that irresistible to print editors, it's about the outrage it engenders in the fundies that someone, somewhere, is fucking and enjoying every minute of it. And they're almost certain the fornicators are those Godless French. It's almost a fricking disease - the media loves this shit, and we seem to eat it up in one form of emotional state or another.

NASA is really screwed. They can't seriously admit sexual relations in the astronaut corps because of the Puritanical streak in this hypocritical country. Even if they did manage it as an "experiment" between a married couple that would be acceptable to the pro-marriage idiots, the idiots would almost certainly would have a fit that NASA wastes taxpayer dollars on it.

Of course astronauts will need sex. How will NASA address this? How can we even think about attacking Mars if we don't address every single aspect of the human experience? Must we reduce it to a titillating snigger and a nudge nudge wink wink or can we have an intelligent study on how to deal with such needs? Because NOT addressing it will destroy any space mission of any length.